Why Women Feel the Need to Tell White Lies


"I'll be there in five minutes" by Daily Dishonesty

We have all been brought up in a society which dictates that lying is bad and that the truth, no matter how awful, will always result in lesser punishment than dishonesty. After all, lies are very hard to keep track of. Before you know it, you’re stuck in the middle of a web of lies and deceit which has so many holes and inaccuracies in it that you’re on the verge of being found out. The punishment you face is now at least 646728 times more severe than it would have been had you just been honest to begin with.

Women, however, are notorious liars despite being the sex which is most offended when it comes to being lied to. So why do we do it? The answer is very simple. We’re emotional beings with hormones as unstable as dynamite. When we lie to our partners/parents/friends, it’s not because we actually enjoy it. We’d rather avoid a confrontation which could escalate into a heated argument or a breakup. So which lies are my most common, what do I really mean and why?

1. “I am not jealous at all.”
Men are going to stare at other women. That’s a fact. I don’t say this because some survey has been conducted which says 82% of men admitted to staring at other women whilst with their partner (18% clearly lied), I say this because I do it. There’s nothing wrong with appreciating a beautiful person, and it shouldn’t be an issue. People should be comfortable enough in themselves to say “you know what? She is attractive. Congratulations for noticing.” However, I’m chubby, and the fear of every chubby girl is that their partner doesn’t find them attractive enough and wants to trade them in. So whenever my partner catches me giving him a ‘look’ because I’ve caught him staring, the “don’t worry, I don’t mind. I’m not jealous at all” line avoids a massive conflict over something unimportant and trivial. After all, why should he have to pay for my insecurities?

2. “I’m fine.”

This is a statement that all men will hear about 382995 times within their lifetimes. Why? Because it’s easier than having to tell them that actually, when they chose to go for a drink with their pals when you had an evening off, it hurt a little bit. You might have had dinner planned or some grand gesture to show them how much they mean to you because actually, they’re bloody amazing. Or maybe, it’s easier to say I’m fine than get upset because they told you your arse looks huge in that dress you like, or that your diet isn’t working. You want them to know you’re upset, but not chew them to bits. It’s conflict avoidance because usually in that scenario, they’re right.

3. “It doesn’t matter”

“It doesn’t matter” is a hugely versatile statement when it comes to interpretation. Sometimes, ‘it’ actually doesn’t matter. Most of the time however, for me, it does. Usually, it follows me asking someone to do something, them staring blankly back, and then me deciding to just do it myself because I can’t be bothered to explain it again. Or, it follows the age old unintentional insult; something like “you’re filling your jeans out nicely.” Basically, I’ve just been called fat. Rather than explain to the individual who threw the insult at me that I’m upset, I’d rather just go with “it doesn’t matter.” That way, I avoid the blank stares and having to repeat “it doesn’t matter.” I also avoid the “you’re being too sensitive,” “you’re over emotional” or “you’re being such a girl” insults which usually follow. Congratulations, you’re aware of my gender. Perhaps you’ll now start noticing when I get a haircut.

4. “It doesn’t matter how much you earn”

If any girl says this, she is most definitely lying. I’m not a materialistic person at all, but how much my boyfriend earns does matter to me. It’s not initially important, but when the relationship starts to get serious it starts to become important. I’m definitely not saying to ask “how much money do you earn each month before and after tax” on a first date – or at all. I don’t need to know how much, but as a woman who’s considering potentially having babies later on in life I need to know the person I’m choosing to spend my life with is financially secure enough to be able to look after my future family. Someone who sponges off his mother – or worse, me – is definitely not someone I’d want to date. I’ve been asked this question a few times on dates, however, and felt the need to lie every time. I don’t want someone to think I’m a gold digger just because I want to have a secure future.

5. “I’m nearly ready. I’ll be five minutes.”

If I’ve felt the need to say “I’m almost ready,” chances are I’m stood in my underwear with no make up on, wearing a turban, and trying to figure out what to wear. Saying this buys me more time, whilst providing my friend/parent/partner with a definitive time scale which puts them at ease. Unfortunately, it ceases to work after the third or fourth time in one hour.

6. “I was only kidding”

I like to think of myself as a bit of a joker, although sometimes I tend to think the world laughs at me far more often than it laughs with me. However, because of this I can get away with saying “just kidding” after dropping a very serious bombshell, making a comment about someone’s behaviour or expressing dissatisfaction with someone/something. Sometimes I am just kidding, but most of the time I am deadly serious. I’m just trying to soften the blow and push the offender to rectify the situation before I get cross.

7. “I don’t know what you’re talking about”

This one is pretty self explanatory. I do know what you’re talking about, I just think it’s stupid and can’t be bothered listening to it any more.

From my own personal experiences, I think it’s pretty clear that in a nutshell, women feel the need to lie because it makes life easier. We don’t want to have confrontations, we don’t want to get dragged into emotional warfare and we don’t want to risk jeopardising our relationships with anyone.

If you like the image I’ve used, you can find it here


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